雅思写作7分，批改的老师给了6.5，好苛刻啊，

Some people think all the new buildings should be built in traditional style. To what extent do you agree?

10.15
ShouldWhether new buildingsshould be built in modern or traditional style is a thought-provoking issue which I shall explore in this essay .

It has to be conceded thatInitially, some buildings are better built in conventional style. To start with, some buildingsThose ones with special cultural identity, such as churches, temples, and mosques , should be built in conformity with the past convention. To the general people,thesebuildingsSuch structures serve not only as places where people worship, butthey are also integral part of their religionsof the majority. Moreover, whether a building should be built in traditional or modern style depends on theits surroundingsenvironment . It would be odd if one skyscraper is erected in the ancient town of Fenghuang in China, in stark contrast with the wooden bungalows around.

Considering the population explosion and the required function forof buildings in the current society, however, the modern way of building should be valued more. The surging population as well as the soaring property price necessitatesnecessitate the number of high-rise residential complex in the city, saving valuable land as well asand the cost of housing for urban dwellers. In addition, the fast-paced, highly-digitizedhighly digitized , and highly automatedmodern city life requiresthe buildingsto be tailor-madethat are made for modern functions. Lifts, escalators, and air-conditioners, which cannot be provided by traditional buildings, are needed to facilitate modern people’s lifestyle. Of course, some architecturescan be designed with a traditional touch so as to serve aesthetic purposes .

Overall, I believe the modern architecture style should be the mainstream with traditional onetaste complementary to the formercomplement it.

Task Response: 7
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Lexical Resource: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6


Hi! This composition earns an estimated score of 6.5. Being informative, objective, and responsive were the strengths I identified in this essay. It had a good response to the topic although the introduction and conclusion lacked development. The sentences were clear and concise. It was good to see that the entire composition showed simplicity. I suggest that you write such essays in the future with a minimum of 250 words to expand your thoughts. Keep practicing on your grammatical areas of improvement. Aim high. Keep up the good work. 

--Airis


Edited Version:

Whether new buildings should be built in modern or traditional style is a thought-provoking issue which I shall explore in this essay.

Initially, some buildings are better built in conventional style. Those ones with special cultural identity, such as churches, temples, and mosques, should be built in conformity with the past convention. Such structures serve not only as places where people worship, but they are also integral part of their religions of the majority. Moreover, whether a building should be built in traditional or modern style depends on its surroundings. It would be odd if one skyscraper is erected in the ancient town of Fenghuang in China, in stark contrast with the wooden bungalows around.

Considering the population explosion and the required function of buildings in the current society, however, the modern way of building should be valued more. The surging population as well as the soaring property price necessitate the number of high-rise residential complex in the city saving valuable land and the cost of housing for urban dwellers. In addition, the fast-paced, highly digitized, and modern city life requires buildingsthat are made for modern functions. Lifts, escalators, and air-conditioners, which cannot be provided by traditional buildings, are needed to facilitate modern people’s lifestyle. Of course, some architectures can be designed with a traditional touch so as to serve aesthetic purposes.

Overall, I believe the modern architecture style should be the mainstream with traditional taste to complement it.